White Horse
by laela24
Summary: Based off of Taylor Swift's song White Horse. Tony is engaged, Ziva is left heartbroken and Tony is too late to make things right. Tony/Paula, with hints of Ziva/Abbie. FEED THE BARD reviews!


**Disclaimer:** I OWN NOTHING!!

**A/N:** So I was driving out to do my holiday shopping and I heard the song "White Horse" by Taylor Swift(again, I DONT OWN IT!) and I immediately thought of Ziva and Tony's relationship, from a certain standpoint, though I do realize that the way I write this story wont exactly follow how Taylor meant for this song, I hope you all enjoy the fic, nonetheless and please remember to be kind and FEED THE BARD reviews!! 'Tis The Season! :) On with the show!

--x--

_Say you're sorry, that face of an angel_

_came out just when you needed it to_

_As I paced back and forth all this time_

_Cause I honestly believed in you..._

I'll never forget the silence that shrouded my world and how the only thing that could be heard was the sound of my heart smashing into a million pieces when Tony announced his engagement to the special agent, Paula Cassidy. I felt so stupid, so absolutely ignorant to the fact that despite my and Tony's constant bickering and friendly banter that would often lead others to believe there was something between us, Hell, _I_ believed there could have been something between us. There he was, grinning like a fool, arm wrapped around the waist of the lovely blonde agent, who's hand, with a beautiful diamond on her finger, was now resting possessively on his chest, as they stood and announced it to us, their fellow teammates, Gibbs, Abbie, McGee, Duckie, as we sat around the table at the restaurant.

Among the throng of constant applause from my co-workers and the words of endearment and congradulations, I could only sit there, numb, staring up at the fool who'd stolen my heart when we met, who I had constantly shared things with, even if it wasn't always my will to do so, who's life had protected my own on several occassions. And now he and this bimbo of a secret-agent who hardly knew how to really do her job correctly before meeting us, were getting married... I felt eyes piercing me, and I didn't dare look to see who, a comforting hand on my shoulder, I shot up and nodded to them, muttering a quick,

"Congrats,"before taking off, out of the restaurant, trying hard to hide the tears creeping out from behind my eyes.

_Holding on as the days drag on_

_Stupid girl, I should have known_

_I should have known..._

I tried to carry on as if everything were normal, back at work, everyone of my team members, even Gibbs, seemed to give me a much easier time, not really coming to me unless absolutely necessary for information on suspects. Tony, however, was blantantly clueless, as I watched him sometimes slack by writing an e-mail to his affianced, or even giving her a quick shout on his phone before we took off on a mission. I couldn't help but sometimes run out of the room, for the restroom, before the tears started to flow down my face as my heart broke with every sweet word he muttered to Paula, that was no longer meant for me... I hated him. Yet, I loved him so.

_That I'm not a princess_

_This ain't a fairytale_

_I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet_

_Lead her up the stairwell_

_This isn't Hollywood, this is a small town_

_I was a dreamer long before you went and let me down_

_Now it's too late for you and your White Horse_

_To come around..._

I silenced my sobs as I heard the door to the women's bathroom open, and I heard the clicks of some boots, and then a slight knock on my stall. I sniffled and tried to make my voice sound natural,

"Be right out,"I winced when my voice cracked and the knocking became more insistent. "This isn't the only stall!"I snapped.

"Ziva, please, its me." Abbie? I unlocked the door, holding onto some toilet tissue to dry my eyes and my nose. Sure enough, Abbie, our criminalistics caffiene-junkie goth girl, was standing on the other side, looking at me with sad gray eyes. She pried my hands away from myself and brought me into her arms, pulling me close and running her fingers through her hair.

"Abbie-?"I choked.

"Shh, just cry, I know you need to, and I know from experience, its never fun to cry alone,"Abbie's smile was heard in her musical voice and something inside of me broke, the dam, probably that kept my tears at bay as my body became wracked with sobs and I cried heavily into her black t-shirt, soaking through to her skin.

_Baby I was naive, got lost in your eyes_

_And never really had a chance_

_I had so many dreams about you and me_

_Happy endings, Now I know..._

I awoke with a start as my alarm blared out the sounds of the sad country song. And I slammed my fist onto the top of the aggrivation as my head fell back into the pillows. I didn't feel like going to work today, I looked over at my bedside table and saw the photo of Tony and me, when I first came to work for the NCIS team, Tony used to make fun of how my accent and English was always a bit off due to my Israeli, and the photo was taken in itself, by McGee, during a small outing, we were both in our uniforms, hats on reading NCIS along the front in bold white letters, and we had our backs to one another, after a mission accomplished, with our guns up, turning our heads toward the camera, but our eyes to each other and looking every bit like a James Bond, as we held our issued guns. It had been a very fun day, indeed. A moment passed, and I realized that Tony would be getting married within another week, tears crept back into my eyes and my heart thudded painfully in my chest.

_Damnit, where do these tears come from? I'm going to dehydrate myself..._

I sniffled and grabbed my phone and called in sick, Gibbs understood, my voice sounded nasally anyway with the build-up of emotions that were torrenting through my body as I curled back into my warm blankets and cried into my pillow, hugging it close to my body.

_I'm not a princess_

_This ain't a fairytale_

_I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet_

_Lead her up the stairwell_

_This isn't Hollywood, this is a small town_

_I was a dreamer long before you went and let me down_

_Now it's too late for you and your White Horse_

_To come around..._

I called in the next two days, sick, Gibbs only gave me his best in getting better, and I wondered if he really was letting me stay home because he believed I was ill, or he knew exactly how I felt about losing my heart to an imbocile? Nonetheless, I stayed at home, curled up in bed, I hadn't bothered getting out of bed for anything other than to make myself something to eat, or use the bathroom, I hadn't showered, I'm sure the build-up of grease on my face and in my hair must have made me look terrible, I'd hate the thought of how I'd smell to another person at the moment, but I really didn't care. Balled up wads of used tissue were overflowing from my bedside basket and several littered my floor.

It was on the fourth day out from work that, through my emotionally-exhausted sleep haze, I heard a knock from my door. I thought about just ignoring it, letting the moron who dared disturb me, just think that nobody was home, when I heard _his_ voice.

"Ziva! I know you're in there.." _Damnit_.

I answered the door, still in my pajamas, which consisted of a pair of white and blue flannel pants a tanktop overshadowed by an olive green long-sleeve shirt that was a bit big on me and fell slightly off of my shoulder. I took a deep breath before I unlocked and crept my door open just a bit to peek out to see his handsome face, staring back at me, his hair had been cut, possibly for the wedding, and I could smell the scent of his aftershave as he gave me a once-over, cringed but then gave me a weak smile.

"Wow, you really do look like Hell,"he cracked. I felt my heart take the dagger easily, and frowned at the intruder who held the blade.

"What the Hell do you want, Tony?"I growled.

"Easy,"he held up his hands in defense. "I came to see if you were in any shape to return.. and- well, I was worried-"he mumbled the last part, but I heard it as clear as if he'd shouted it. My eyes stung and my throat lodged with emotions. _Damn you, Tony, damn you for it all_...

"I'm just fine, I just need rest, now go away,"I tried to close the door but he placed his foot in the crack and used his hand to open it further.

"Ziva, what's the matter? I mean, I know you aren't feeling well.. but that cant be the only reason you're out sick-"he tried to smile and I wanted to hit him...

"Sure, I cant call out sick when I dont feel well!"I felt my anger bubble up. "I can't call out when my heart is breaking and I feel like the world has crashed around me.. is _that_ what you want to hear, Tony, huh?!"I yelled. His face fell.

"Ziva-"

"No, God _damnit_, Tony! You- you stubborn, self-absorbed ass!"I yelled, slapping his hand away. "You want to know why I dont come in?! I cant! It's impossible for me to stand sitting across the room from you,when I know you dont feel the same way about me, when I know you're going to marry that blonde bitch, just because she's the second woman, next to me, who you've wanted to sleep with but has refused you!"he opened his mouth to argue, looking a bit more appalled by the minute but I didn't allow it. "So I wish you the best, Tony, I _really _fucking do! But dont expect to see me at the wedding, pining away for you, because damnit I have feelings! I'm not going to be the one to grovel and make you feel more full of yourself like you're a God.. and that you can have any woman you want, because it doesnt _work_ like that, Tony!"I screamed, punching his chest with my final words, he stumbled back, looking honestly ashamed and confused.

"Ziva, I-I'm sorry-"

_And there you are on your knees_

_Begging for forgiveness, begging for me_

_Just like I alwayts wanted, but I'm so sorry_

"I'm sorry, too, Tony,"I breathed out, my hands falling to my sides, unclenching, tears now freely falling from my face. I saw through the cloud of my emotion, Tony step closer, but I backed away. "Please, just- just go,"I could feel my walls crumbling, and the last thing I needed was Tony's pity, despite that my body and my mind warred over just wanting Tony with me, I didn't want him if his heart wasn't apart of the deal, too...

"Ziva-"

"Go, Tony, _please_,"I begged him through clenched teeth, I snapped my eyes shut to will the tears to stop flowing, but it only stung more, I felt his warmth, his presence leave my apartment, and the soft sound of the door clicking shut was the last thing that I recalled before I fell to the ground, broken.

_Cause I'm not your Princess_

_This ain't a fairytale_

_I'm gonna find someone, someday who might actually treat me well_

_This is a big world, that was a small town_

_There in my rearview mirror dissapearing now..._

I resigned from my position at NCIS, Gibbs wasn't exactly happy about losing another agent, but complied nonetheless, McGee, Duckie and Abbie were all heartbroken to see me go, I made certain that Tony was not under the impression of my leaving until I was actually gone, I wouldn't be able to refuse him if he asked me to stay.. and that would just hurt too much.

"We'll miss you, deary, do keep in touch,"Duckie whispered as he gave me a hug, I smiled.

"Promise,"I mumbled back, releasing him.

"You better, and make sure to not forget us while you're kicking butt back home in Israel,"McGee smiled, clapping me on the back and trying to act tough, I rolled my eyes and opened my arms. He almost ran into them, crushing my body to his, sniffling. "Cant you stay? We can just kick Tony out,"I laughed emptily at that.

"I cant- he was here first,"I sighed, hugging him back and pushing him away gently so he knew to release me.

"Take care of yourself, Ziva,"Gibbs shook my hand and then pressed a soft kiss to my forehead, I smiled, and felt tears prick my eyes. _I wont cry.._

"Thanks, Gibbs, I'll miss you the most,"I smiled.

"Hey!"Abbie scowled, grabbing my hand. I laughed,

"Sorry, make that, I'll miss _Abbie_ the most,"I corrected.

"Damn straight,"Abbie pulled me into her arms and hugged me fondly. "I'll miss you,"she whispered, her voice cracking.

"And I, you, Abbie, thanks,"I mumbled, and then I felt her press a soft kiss to my neck and I froze, before she released me and gave me a sad smile. I nodded.

I took off, down the road, in a taxi toward the airport. Watching the city pass me by and then slowly fade into the background of the rearview mirrors..._ Goodbye, Tony_.

_And its too late for you and your White Horse_

_to catch me now..._

**xFINx**


End file.
